December 27, 2011

NewYears make-up inspiration


click on photos for source: posh&chic

December 26, 2011

been away

I have been away for too long from "seeking happiness".. this is one of the places that I used to hide from all the rush in my life, from all the consumption and all the feelings that get me down.. a diary, a place to share, a place to just write.. and be happy.. but for so long, I just have been writing about being away from it and then continuing to stay away.. from now on this should change.. I really have to become more active with "seeking happiness" and use it as my own safe place again..

what has changed in my life - since when - since, I don't know when..

"my baby" is back in Istanbul for Christmas and New Years... He graduated from college - A huge CONGRATULATIONS to him!!! Celebrations, celebrations! ~I need to go to DC in May for his graduation - need some off time :)

work - is good, I am getting used to my new role and each day I feel like I am learning more, but then when I question myself I just get down and wonder if I will be able to make it.. but then again, I always find a spark inside of me to get me going..

I cannot think of much to write at this moment.. but there are many posts to follow this one..

and before I end this post and start collaging the other, Happy New Year to everyone.. we are getting closer to the end of 2011 and closer to a bright new beginning... 2012..

November 21, 2011

hectic but exciting

these past weeks have been hectic.. not bad but hectic in some sense…

I have a lot to share – I kept myself from writing much, but will talk now..

I went through a role change in our company.. these are really exciting times for me.. I am energized and I am looking forward to what ever is to come my way.. I know there are tons of challenges that I need to overcome, however instead of these challenges bothering me – I am letting them energize and motivate me.. (one has to find new ways to motivate themselves to survive in such an unstable world)..

each day I am learning more and more about myself and the company I work for.. I am learning more about people, from those who work around me, from those I interact with and those whom I only watch from far far away…

Last week, Monday was my start date in my new role.. so that’s workwise blabbing..

the week before, we had Eid here in Turkey, so I packed my bags and went to the States to see “my baby”, my parents tagged along.. it was such an amazing time.. I hated that I had only a week to be with him but still, time is precious and time spent with him is priceless..

and you know what, when I left to come back home, I counted the days till the next time I would see him, it was only 5 weeks.. not bad I thought to myself..

last week Friday, he popped out of no where – he came to Turkey, for thanksgiving and surprised me! I have such an amazing boyfriend! I love him, just the way he is.. I do I do.. I do love him..

so life wise.. what else.. not much actually.. I am consumed by love and work.. which is fine for me, just the way I imagined my life when I was 10 years old – I guess..

I realized one thing about myself, which I really liked.. no matter what might come my way, I realized that I look forward to the next day.. or the next hectic day that might come.. because you do not grow out of ‘just’ happiness.. you need that hectic-city to let you grow and mature away.. true? so true!

HAVE A HECTIC but EXCITING DAY, week, month, life …

November 3, 2011


I am so proud to be sharing this with you.. my friend has been featured in Harpers Bazaar Turkey, as part of – Fabulous at Every Age and she represent 20’s..

I am amazed by her.. and so inspired by her.. Love you Lala, and I know there is more to come..



click on the images to go to her blog! I’m sure you will like her, as much as I do …

October 28, 2011

Ronit Judelman


I found out about Judelman’s work on SweetStation and fell in love with her work. I believe there is this relation between her work and her being a clinical and educational psychologist.

I love the forms of clear resin like objects that are homes to colorful little objects..


October 27, 2011

holding onto myself


I try to hold on to myself, my inner child, my own beliefs and my inner music..

I try to hold on to myself, protecting that inner child from all the bad that comes from outside, all the growing up needed to survive in this world, and all the growing up that kills the happiness with in me.

I try to hold on to myself, my own beliefs.. that gut feeling of right and wrong, the “love-li-hood” that lives within, the arrow that guides me, in this cruel world.

I try to hold on to myself, to my inner music.. the tune that keeps my feet twitching in meetings, the rhythm my body moves in, the rhythm of my steps while I walk.. the music that gets me out of bed even during the grey days..

I try to hold on to myself, never let go.. holding it down from a cliff and trying to never let it slip from my hands.. but the grease that this life has put onto my body, the wind that’s trying to blow us over, and the light that shuts my eyes and keeps them from seeing makes it harder each day..

But I am holding onto myself, trying to never let go and trying to survive..

October 26, 2011


I realized that I haven’t been involved in this blog as much as I used to, or wanted to.. I had let go for a while.. and felt the emptiness in me get bigger as days go by.. and now I just found a correlation between the emptiness and this blog.. as I move away from it, the emptiness gets bigger and bigger.. as I write more, I feel more fulfilled and joyful..

so what did we learn from this? that I have to write more and share more..

I do have to apologize, from you and from “seeking happiness” itself.. sorry I have been away.. and kept to myself – instead of sharing my life; whatever it may be..

from now on- things are going to change.. and I am hoping to be more involved and active in my “seeking happiness” journey!

what has happened in my life since I have been away – not much to be honest.. I guess that’s why I kept to myself and held myself from the happiness that I could have shared with you.. I don’t have much in my life that moves the butterflies in my stomach, nor anything that gives me a days worth of smiles and joy..

the only thing that I am looking forward to is my trip to the US, to Washington,DC – my hometown, to “my baby”..

and one more thing – to a possible new job that is on the horizon.. more details may come later.. maybe soon..

October 8, 2011


I keep on getting tears in my eyes.. no matter whats going on.. whether it is a good day or whether it is just a hell of a day.. for a second when I get lost in my thoughts I get tears.. tears that I try to control but am not very good at handling.. even if something good happens, or something good is said to me, I don't see the good in it anymore..

I am not sure, why I feel this way.. maybe because it was a busy busy week and continues to be one.. or whether I am sleepless, and will continue to be sleep deprived.

I am sitting in an airport, writing this post with tears filling up, for no reason.. no reason at all.. i am starting to think there is something wrong with me.. wonder what that is..

Anyways.. so this post feels like I am writing in my diary.. but here it goes..

Have a nice weekend everyone.. and hope yours is tearless!

September 30, 2011

sleeping beauty

I can't believe how long it has been since I have spent time on my blog.. or even wrote something on a piece of paper just for the fun of it.. I guess a week or two.. I just was never able to spend time on my blog, for a while now..
I come from work, tired, more than ever.. I just don't get how my energy levels just drop down.. but as the doctor said today that, feeling tired, fatigue is normal in my case.. due to my condition.. it will get better.. with time.. 
the thing I hate most about this situation is that, it forces me to spend minimal times with "my baby" who is overseas.. 7 hour difference does not help.. and with the 7 hour difference we don't have much time to talk anyways.. but with me sleeping early than ever makes that minimal time, a more than minimal timeframe.. wonder what the word is for less than minimal?

anyways.. as you can see, again this post is a little about him too.. I miss him.. no matter what I say, what I do, how much I smile and act like everything is OK - I do miss him.. I miss my best friend. It hurts to be away - it hurts to not have him with me during my day, spend time with him. I hate wishing he is with me when something interesting/stupid/important happens.. It hurts to learn that I missed something that was fun/important/exciting.. it's hard.. but my only hope is that- it is time, and one thing time does well is to pass... 

I'm waiting.. and i will continue to wait.. until he comes back.. until he is here.. until then, I may act like a sleeping beauty.. who is writing this post, half asleep.. sorry if the sentences just don't make sense.. 
think of it as a sincere letter, to an imaginary friend.. 

I am thinking of watching sleeping beauty now.. 

September 26, 2011

price of style


I adore looking at Sartariolist, Vogue, WhoWhatWear and other sites and blogs for fashion inspiration. And when I share my admiration with some friends there is the common idea that, those gorgeous women and men, spend money on their looks; the garments they are wearing. However, I believe it is not just how much money they are spending on their closet that makes them look that amazing and inspirational. there is something else!

You can spend $1000 on a top and still look ridiculously awful, we see those kind of women and men everyday. If you don’t have style, the garment you are wearing will not save you. Imagine a wedding: everyone spends tons of money on their dresses, hair, make-up.. dresses especially. Why? Because they want to experience the glam for the time being. Try to remember the last wedding you were at.. gorgeous women right.. handsome men.. now try to remember the details, those you forgot.. or thought/wished you did. Do you remember that lady that wore the most expensive dress but looked no funnier than a clown?

I do. That look had nothing to do about the dress, the dress itself was amazing and would probably have looked amazing on another person. However the lady that wore it, was not part of the look itself. She did not know how to carry the dress, how to accessorize it, how to move in it.

That explains my point.. but lets dwell a little bit more shall we?

Think of your office now, or classroom.. look around you.. think of the dinner you had yesterday with your special someone, and re-imagine the people around you.

I am sure there were those ladies and gents that caught your eye because they looked sleek and polished. But think about those who looked gruesome… got it?

Lets take a man as an example now. A suit, a shirt, pair of jeans, shoes etc.. imagine your handsome, groomed men.. now imagine another man in his garments.. you shouldn’t have the same image twice in your mind now. Those two men should be looking completely different in the same clothing choice.. why? Because they are different themselves. Their body types, their looks, their self image.

Two men should not look alike, as shall two women should not.

I know those who spend money on 10 pieces that others might spend the same amount on just 1 piece. But the thing is they both have different tastes, they carry their garments, pair them ,accessorize them in different ways.

An T by Alexander would look completely different with a sequined blazer and a pair of leggings on one, than a T by Alexander shirt with leggings. Two of the same garments, but one look with an extra gist. Get my rhythm?

I do agree that spending money on expensive clothes has its pros. The garment, the cut, the sewing might be more reliable and detailed. But that still does not mean it gives the women or men their astonishing look.

One thing I try to do myself and tell others is; get to know yourself, your body. Your own pros and cons. Know what suits you. What you feel comfortable in. May it be high heals or just Toms slippers, know it an build around it. Don’t try to be or look like someone else. You never will be the same. Appreciate the fact that you will never be the same with someone else, as being different should matter more. (there are too many people trying to look the same, or like someone else – be different!) No matter how much your clothes have cost you, whether $800 or $5, the way you feel is what’s important!

Style comes within.. get inspired but don’t be a copycat! try to be happy

September 21, 2011

if only I could ride a bike..


those of you who don’t know me, wouldn’t know that I am afraid of riding a bike.. no reason, no history, I am just afraid.. I used to ride it when I was a kid, but whatever happened the joy out of it was gone, and then it became a phobia for me.

but look at these bikes, aren’t they amazing.. a design inspiration.. makes a girl afraid of bikes to ride one..


and a much better version of all.. 1930 art deco hendersonhendersonhenderson1

click on images for source

September 19, 2011


I woke up to this scenery this morning.. isn't it amazing! Even though it was 6am and I had to catch a flight to make it to work this morning, after a wonderful and relaxing weekend, this made everything OK.. Have an amazing week! I hope I will..

September 14, 2011

feeling a little blue, and imagining a little purple


sometimes it feels good to make no sense, even though you might be feeling blue.. even though you might be wishing the world was all purple..

sometimes it makes much more sense to imagine yourself in a cloud, sleeping on it, looking over the world, over those people who seem like ants to you, those problems that made you cry seem to not exist..

sometimes, being crazy has its benefits – believe me! you can step back, and look at a situation in a totally new way, which instead of making you sad then gets you to be happy and appreciate the life you’ve got. not much people can do that, if you can , hold on to it, hug it out!

if you can’t be crazy once in a while, surround yourself with people who can do it, who can become as crazy as you wish you were.. and they will make your world purple, or pink, or just a rainbow.

September 11, 2011

September 10, 2011

soul surfer inspiration

I just watched Soul Surfer, and one thing I have to say about the movie is that everybody should watch it.. there are so many grateful things in life we have to embrace, and Bethany's story makes sure you get that!

Once again, thanks to this movie I realized how much in life I have, to be thankful for.. and while this girl, with only one arm, didn't give up on her dream, she made it true for others, and has become an inspiration for others..

It is amazing, how ones will, can drive them to do what they want, and she has done it..
I am promising myself, at this moment, that I will do more, and try to achieve my dreams, and hope to become an inspiration to others one day!

September 8, 2011

sen nasil bir asiksin hic dusundun mu?


sen nasil bir asiksin hic dusundun mu? yasadigin ask aslinda karakterinin yansimasidir. sadece seninkinin degil tabii ki, ikinizin karisiminin.. kiskanc isen ona gore yasarsin askini, boynun egikse ona gore.. sadece evet diyenlerdensen ayri bir askin olur kendi fikrini soylemekten cekinmeyenden..

karekterin degismez mi? degisir tabii ki.. yasadigin ask degistirebilir askini.. kiskancliklarindan vazgecebilirsin, yada tam tersine seni daha kiskanc yapabilir karsindaki.. mutlu bir insanken, depresyoniklerden de olabilirsin.. yada tam tersi iste..

aldatir misin, yoksa aldatilan misin? yada belki hicbirisin. hic olmamis olabilirsin, gecmiste yapmis olabilirsin. gelmisin gecmisin karismistir belki birbirine.. yada hic girmemistir hayatina oyleleri.. yeminin vardir, ben yapmam dersin, ama kimya uyusmasi yaptirmistir belkide.. yada aldatilmissindir iste, karsidakinin kimyagerliginin etkisiyle..

karakterin aska karisir, senin o zamanki halini yansitir.. geriye baktiginda ne gordugun onemlidir.. yasadigindan memnun musun? degisimin senin icin iyi mi oldu yoksa kotu mu?

sanirim ki butun bu sorularin cevabi aslinda bir insanin icinde gizli.. ara sira ciksa da ortaya ruh hali, gene de kendinden baskasi tam olarak anlamiyor karakterini..

simdi; sen nasil bir asiksin dusundun mu? hadi dusun bakalim.

September 7, 2011





I am lusting these clutches! buy me one! please do !

{click on the images for sources}

left behind


arkanda bakanlari biraktin ve gittin bugun.. ben bakakaldim arkandan.. sirtini donup gittiginde, artik bende dondum ve yoluma baktim.. isime gittim.. calistim.. didindim.. zaman hic gecmek bilmedi bugun.. istedim ki aksam olsun, ucagin insin, sesini duyabileyim, yada bir mesaj alayim senden..

gidenin arkasindan bakmak ne zormus, bunu anliyorum her defasinda.. senelerce annemlerin cektigini yasamak zormus gercekten.. ben giderken laylaylom gidiyormusum megersem.. hic arkama bakmadan.. cok degisik bir duygu geride kalmak.. arkadan bakmak.. sevdigin kisinin gidisini izlemek..

biliyorum ki geri gelecek, bize birsey olmayacak, ama sanirim “yalniz” olmak en buyuk iskence bana suan.. gittigimiz yerler bana onu hatirlatirken, heryerde eski anilarimiz varken, onu yanimda istemekten baska bir sansim olmamasinin hayal kirikligi var kalbimde.. ama bilirim ki buda gecer, biz gene biz oluruz.. guclu dururuz.. yeter ki geri donus olsun.. kavuscagimiz gun olsun.. simdi yapmamiz gereken, yeni bir geri sayim, ve gelecegi gunu beklemek..

~~  ~~  ~~ ~~ ~~   ~~  ~~   ~~  ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~   ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~     ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~  ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~

it is hard to be the one left behind.. the one that looks behind a lover, a friend, a family member leave you behind and move on.. not moving on to be exact, as a breakup, but to move on to another place.. “my baby” left yesterday, he went back to the States, and now I am the one who is left behind, stated at the same place and trying to move on also..

I never understood how my parents felt when they were saying their goodbyes to me at the airport, while I was moving on and going to the States.. now I know, how heartbreaking that experience was for them.. me; not looking back, and them seeing me go.. how emotional and how disastrous is it to one’s heart, I understand it now.

I hate being left behind, I honestly do. I got used to having him around so much, that I feel incomplete now.. I don’t enjoy anything, everyplace brings up memories, every places serves as a reminder of him.. but as time passes, I know I will get used to being “alone”.. and I know that he will return.. so starting from now, we all will be starting to do a new countdown..

September 5, 2011

gozyasi mi dedin? yok caniim

bazen gozyaslari ne kadar da vurdum duymaz oluyorlar.. akma diyorsun akiyor gozlerinden.. gozlerini yuvarlasanda, yukari baksanda, gene de cikiyorlar bir turlu, sonra dur durak bilmeden yagmur gibi akiyorlar yanaklarindan asagiya.. bir bakiyorsun ki sen masada aglayan kiz oluyorsun.. kendini tutamiyorsun ne kadar cok istesende.. dinlemiyor ki gozyasi.. nerden geliyor hic bilmiyorum.. nerden geliyor onca su.. bereketli oluyor bir kizin gozleri, onu biliyorum bir tek..

bir kiz ister ki akmasin gozyaslari, ne nedenle olursa olsun.. erkegin onunde akmasin bari.. hele birde biliyorsa ki onun her gozyasiyla cocugun da ici acir.. hic istemez ki o goz pinari calissin ve yanaklari islansin.. ama oluyor iste.. insan soz dinletemiyor ki gozlerine.. olmayinca olmuyormus.. her kiz ogrenmistir bunu, bende ogrendim..

cok mutluyum hemde cok.. ama iste icim de buruk.. yolcu etmek zor geliyor, onsuz gececek zamani dusunmek zorluyor bu gozleri.. istemez miyim bende yuzumde gulucuklerle ugurlamak, icini rahat ettirmek.. biliyorum ki onun da akli kaliyor bende ama dedigim gibi olmayinca da olmuyor..

neyse artik, alisir yanaklarim islakliga ama gorunmez kimseciklere belki.. gecer zaman ve bir sonra ki gozyaslari onu gordugumde akar belki de.. “zamanla gecer dedi, zamanla zamanla..”

iyi yolculuklar demekten baska hic birsey kalmiyor bana, kendine iyi bak, derslerine calis.. duzgun beslen demekten baska ne diyebilir ki insan.. bir de..

seni seviyorum.

September 3, 2011

Ain't it good

It feels amazing to be in Cesme right now. Not worrying about a thing. Not worrying about work, stuff to do, that need to be done, not thinking much about health etc. It's just amazing to be on vacation and to be having a good time. I am back to counting days since "my baby" is leaving on Tuesday- in 3 days. As you know I do get really sad the week he leaves and can't stop talking about him, or do not feel like writing any posts. But I should not be talking about such sad things now and instead should be appreciating the time I've got with him..
{this post was meant to be posted yesterday - but again I forgot to push the button - forgive me}

boom boom boom..

{this post was meant to be submitted a week ago - but I must have forgot}
even brighter than the moon moon moon.. I can go on and on.. I woke up to this song in my head, and haven’t been able to get rid of it..
maybe its because I am going away with “my baby” and other friends, for 5 days.. Can’t wait for it.. We leave tomorrow, early in the morning, so that we don’t waste the day on the road.. and then I am off until Saturday..I know I will have plenty of work I will need to do, but that does not bother me.. the fact that I will not be in Istanbul is an enough boost of morale just by itself!
I look forward to every second of this vacation, just to relax and have fun.. I still have to be careful and take care of myself – due to my condition, but there is nothing to stop me from having a good time..
~this post was meant to be published yesterday and not now, while waiting for our flight~…
off we go.. take care xoxo

August 28, 2011

I was trying to describe you to someone..


sent to me by my dear friend Ozu’m.. had to share it with you…

August 25, 2011


There are times when I think about him.. just about his laugh, about his lips.. about his eyes.. I just thing about the hair on his arms.. the details that make him.. the sound of his voice, how it changes when he is sad and when he is happy.. i like thinking about him.. it just puts a smile on my face.. lights my insides.. i feel happy and free.. I am deeply in love with the way he holds me, the way he touches me.. I am in love with the way he makes me feel, each time we talk,.. I am in love with the butterfliues I get when I am to see him.. I get butterflies after all this time.. he just makes me happy! I love putting my head on his shoulder and feeling safe; like no one in this world can touch us, nothing can brake us.. I am in love with his eyes, the way they look at me and see me.. who I am and what I want.. I love thinking about him day and night.

August 24, 2011

miu miu lusting

Tell me these shoes aren't amazing? you can't!
 these are gorgeous! each and every one of them! I am adoring their style.. while I was looking at these pictures, I was dreaming where I would wear these, with what outfit..
I am mesmerized!

And this.. this one is my favorite.. I think it is just gorgeous! I want to wrap it in silk and sleep with it!
Maybe I can get it as a present ;)

August 23, 2011


gozlerinde neseyi de buldum huznu de.. seni buldum ben kendimde.. sende beni aradim bir sure.. bulamazsin dediler ama buldum.. ikimiz bir olduk.. bin olduk dunyaya karsi.. senleyken tektik bu dunyada.. kimse yok gibiydi etrafimizda.. gozlerinde kendimi buldum ben.. nasil hissettigimi yansittin hep, sende yasadin benimle ayni duygulari.. beraber yasadik icimizdekini, disimiza yansittik biz senle hep bizi..
bazen seni seviyorum dememe bile gerek kalmadi, cunku sen anlarsin hep bakisimdan icimden gecenleri.. sinirli oldugumu bilmezken kendim, sen soyleyince gelir aklima sinirim… yada yorgunlugumu anlarsin, sesimin kisilmasindan.. ben yorgun hissetmezken bile.. yada reddederken yorgunlugu kendimce..
iyi ki girdin hayatima.. en yakin arkadasim oldun bana.. elimden tuttun, hastayken yanimda oldun.. zorluklari atlattik, mutluluk yarattik her olayda, her saniye.. mutluluk bizim oldu..
biz bir olduk butun olduk mini.. seni cok seviyorum

August 22, 2011


I have recently become obsessed with Pink (the color).. Even though I do not wear pink that much, I am liking it where ever, whom ever I see it on.. I would never imagine wearing a whole pink suit, or an outfit.. but some people just do look gorgeous!
the first few pictures are linked – click on them for the source.. the last 2 I am not so sure where I got them from.. they are from my own archives..


"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

                                                                                   ~The Dalai Lama

back in business!

Back from resting for 20 days... I am back in business! I am back in the office, back at work.. reading and deleting and replying to emails all day.. figuring out what it was that I do at work and what functionality I have..
It feels good to be back..!

we had an amazing weekend.. spending time with friends does boost ones morale and happiness levels.. I did learn to appreciate friends more while I was in the hospital.. everyone needs a support group, a circle of friends that they can rely on.. and you know what, it doesn't matter if you know people for 20 years or just for a few months, because people can surprise you.. those you have known the longest may not even be there for you, but those you have just known for a few months may not even leave your bedside and try to be there with you through it all... so, please do tell those friends you have how much you love and appreciate them.. because I learned it the hard way!

August 19, 2011

weekend break

after a long wait at home (and the hospital phase) I am off to cesme! with "my baby" for an amazing weekend... 

we are going to spend our weekend with amazing friends - Lala, MNU89, Deniku, and EceO .. precious people I have met, thanks to "my baby"... these people have been good friends to me, dear friends.. have supported me while I was in the hospital, like I was one of their own.. have been with me everyday through it all.. now, it is time to celebrate and have some fun.. so no posts from me during this weekend.. but I do plan to come back with some pictures and good memories to share.. 

Hope you all have an amazing weekend! 


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