left behind

 

arkanda bakanlari biraktin ve gittin bugun.. ben bakakaldim arkandan.. sirtini donup gittiginde, artik bende dondum ve yoluma baktim.. isime gittim.. calistim.. didindim.. zaman hic gecmek bilmedi bugun.. istedim ki aksam olsun, ucagin insin, sesini duyabileyim, yada bir mesaj alayim senden..

gidenin arkasindan bakmak ne zormus, bunu anliyorum her defasinda.. senelerce annemlerin cektigini yasamak zormus gercekten.. ben giderken laylaylom gidiyormusum megersem.. hic arkama bakmadan.. cok degisik bir duygu geride kalmak.. arkadan bakmak.. sevdigin kisinin gidisini izlemek..

biliyorum ki geri gelecek, bize birsey olmayacak, ama sanirim “yalniz” olmak en buyuk iskence bana suan.. gittigimiz yerler bana onu hatirlatirken, heryerde eski anilarimiz varken, onu yanimda istemekten baska bir sansim olmamasinin hayal kirikligi var kalbimde.. ama bilirim ki buda gecer, biz gene biz oluruz.. guclu dururuz.. yeter ki geri donus olsun.. kavuscagimiz gun olsun.. simdi yapmamiz gereken, yeni bir geri sayim, ve gelecegi gunu beklemek..

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it is hard to be the one left behind.. the one that looks behind a lover, a friend, a family member leave you behind and move on.. not moving on to be exact, as a breakup, but to move on to another place.. “my baby” left yesterday, he went back to the States, and now I am the one who is left behind, stated at the same place and trying to move on also..

I never understood how my parents felt when they were saying their goodbyes to me at the airport, while I was moving on and going to the States.. now I know, how heartbreaking that experience was for them.. me; not looking back, and them seeing me go.. how emotional and how disastrous is it to one’s heart, I understand it now.

I hate being left behind, I honestly do. I got used to having him around so much, that I feel incomplete now.. I don’t enjoy anything, everyplace brings up memories, every places serves as a reminder of him.. but as time passes, I know I will get used to being “alone”.. and I know that he will return.. so starting from now, we all will be starting to do a new countdown..