Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

May 14, 2012

yesterday’s mistakes

just wanted to share this amazing song! Yesterday’s Mistakes by Oi Va Voi …

Yesterday’s Mistakes

 

Don't need another resolution to feel
As though I'm going somewhere, somewhere

You said you needed me
Or at least that's what I thought
At times the memories
Seem to be knocking at my door
I've seen the film a million times
Feels like I wrote the storyline
I refuse to replay
The mistakes that we made yesterday


I like to think I'm stronger now
Victim of common sense
The truth is that I know I still
Confuse the past with the present tense
Condensing what we had
To a single frame
That sticks in my mind
As I try to move on
The same image comes back every time

They were yesterdays mistakes
And they were yesterdays mistakes
Yesterday's mistakes
Somewhere

Forgive my selfishness
I'd be grateful if you can
Forget my ingratitude
You think I'm twice the girl I am
They say we should forgive
But not forget
What has gone before
I refuse to replay
The mistakes that we made yesterday
And they were yesterdays mistakes
Yesterday's mistakes
They were yesterdays mistakes
I refuse to replay
The mistakes that we made yesterday
I refuse to replay
The mistakes that we made yesterday

February 24, 2012

happy birthday

this is a late post.. yet, there is no time to say how much I love you.. and how lucky I am to have you in my life..

My bestest best best friend RKA had his birthday last Monday, 20th of Feb..

                  kaancik

A nice group of friends met at Lucca – amazing spot.. (I really should do a post about Lucca – if you knew how much time I spend there you would agree)

anyways.. back to the birthday.. last year I wasn’t with Kaan during his birthday which made me sad.. since we spent a whole lot of birthdays together..

my dear Kaan, I don’t think I said it much.. I think I should say it again.. I am so lucky to have you in my life.. as a friend, as family..

You are so dear to me that words cannot explain.. you are my safe place, which I come to, where I know there are no bad feelings, no heartaches, no prejudices.. just simple love.. just simple 1:1 time..

Happy Birthday Love.. May all the happiness be yours..

November 21, 2011

hectic but exciting

these past weeks have been hectic.. not bad but hectic in some sense…

I have a lot to share – I kept myself from writing much, but will talk now..

I went through a role change in our company.. these are really exciting times for me.. I am energized and I am looking forward to what ever is to come my way.. I know there are tons of challenges that I need to overcome, however instead of these challenges bothering me – I am letting them energize and motivate me.. (one has to find new ways to motivate themselves to survive in such an unstable world)..

each day I am learning more and more about myself and the company I work for.. I am learning more about people, from those who work around me, from those I interact with and those whom I only watch from far far away…

Last week, Monday was my start date in my new role.. so that’s workwise blabbing..

the week before, we had Eid here in Turkey, so I packed my bags and went to the States to see “my baby”, my parents tagged along.. it was such an amazing time.. I hated that I had only a week to be with him but still, time is precious and time spent with him is priceless..

and you know what, when I left to come back home, I counted the days till the next time I would see him, it was only 5 weeks.. not bad I thought to myself..

last week Friday, he popped out of no where – he came to Turkey, for thanksgiving and surprised me! I have such an amazing boyfriend! I love him, just the way he is.. I do I do.. I do love him..

so life wise.. what else.. not much actually.. I am consumed by love and work.. which is fine for me, just the way I imagined my life when I was 10 years old – I guess..

I realized one thing about myself, which I really liked.. no matter what might come my way, I realized that I look forward to the next day.. or the next hectic day that might come.. because you do not grow out of ‘just’ happiness.. you need that hectic-city to let you grow and mature away.. true? so true!

HAVE A HECTIC but EXCITING DAY, week, month, life …

September 30, 2011

sleeping beauty

I can't believe how long it has been since I have spent time on my blog.. or even wrote something on a piece of paper just for the fun of it.. I guess a week or two.. I just was never able to spend time on my blog, for a while now..
I come from work, tired, more than ever.. I just don't get how my energy levels just drop down.. but as the doctor said today that, feeling tired, fatigue is normal in my case.. due to my condition.. it will get better.. with time.. 
the thing I hate most about this situation is that, it forces me to spend minimal times with "my baby" who is overseas.. 7 hour difference does not help.. and with the 7 hour difference we don't have much time to talk anyways.. but with me sleeping early than ever makes that minimal time, a more than minimal timeframe.. wonder what the word is for less than minimal?


anyways.. as you can see, again this post is a little about him too.. I miss him.. no matter what I say, what I do, how much I smile and act like everything is OK - I do miss him.. I miss my best friend. It hurts to be away - it hurts to not have him with me during my day, spend time with him. I hate wishing he is with me when something interesting/stupid/important happens.. It hurts to learn that I missed something that was fun/important/exciting.. it's hard.. but my only hope is that- it is time, and one thing time does well is to pass... 


I'm waiting.. and i will continue to wait.. until he comes back.. until he is here.. until then, I may act like a sleeping beauty.. who is writing this post, half asleep.. sorry if the sentences just don't make sense.. 
think of it as a sincere letter, to an imaginary friend.. 


I am thinking of watching sleeping beauty now.. 





September 26, 2011

price of style

 

I adore looking at Sartariolist, Vogue, WhoWhatWear and other sites and blogs for fashion inspiration. And when I share my admiration with some friends there is the common idea that, those gorgeous women and men, spend money on their looks; the garments they are wearing. However, I believe it is not just how much money they are spending on their closet that makes them look that amazing and inspirational. there is something else!

You can spend $1000 on a top and still look ridiculously awful, we see those kind of women and men everyday. If you don’t have style, the garment you are wearing will not save you. Imagine a wedding: everyone spends tons of money on their dresses, hair, make-up.. dresses especially. Why? Because they want to experience the glam for the time being. Try to remember the last wedding you were at.. gorgeous women right.. handsome men.. now try to remember the details, those you forgot.. or thought/wished you did. Do you remember that lady that wore the most expensive dress but looked no funnier than a clown?

I do. That look had nothing to do about the dress, the dress itself was amazing and would probably have looked amazing on another person. However the lady that wore it, was not part of the look itself. She did not know how to carry the dress, how to accessorize it, how to move in it.

That explains my point.. but lets dwell a little bit more shall we?

Think of your office now, or classroom.. look around you.. think of the dinner you had yesterday with your special someone, and re-imagine the people around you.

I am sure there were those ladies and gents that caught your eye because they looked sleek and polished. But think about those who looked gruesome… got it?

Lets take a man as an example now. A suit, a shirt, pair of jeans, shoes etc.. imagine your handsome, groomed men.. now imagine another man in his garments.. you shouldn’t have the same image twice in your mind now. Those two men should be looking completely different in the same clothing choice.. why? Because they are different themselves. Their body types, their looks, their self image.

Two men should not look alike, as shall two women should not.

I know those who spend money on 10 pieces that others might spend the same amount on just 1 piece. But the thing is they both have different tastes, they carry their garments, pair them ,accessorize them in different ways.

An T by Alexander would look completely different with a sequined blazer and a pair of leggings on one, than a T by Alexander shirt with leggings. Two of the same garments, but one look with an extra gist. Get my rhythm?

I do agree that spending money on expensive clothes has its pros. The garment, the cut, the sewing might be more reliable and detailed. But that still does not mean it gives the women or men their astonishing look.

One thing I try to do myself and tell others is; get to know yourself, your body. Your own pros and cons. Know what suits you. What you feel comfortable in. May it be high heals or just Toms slippers, know it an build around it. Don’t try to be or look like someone else. You never will be the same. Appreciate the fact that you will never be the same with someone else, as being different should matter more. (there are too many people trying to look the same, or like someone else – be different!) No matter how much your clothes have cost you, whether $800 or $5, the way you feel is what’s important!

Style comes within.. get inspired but don’t be a copycat! try to be happy

September 5, 2011

gozyasi mi dedin? yok caniim

bazen gozyaslari ne kadar da vurdum duymaz oluyorlar.. akma diyorsun akiyor gozlerinden.. gozlerini yuvarlasanda, yukari baksanda, gene de cikiyorlar bir turlu, sonra dur durak bilmeden yagmur gibi akiyorlar yanaklarindan asagiya.. bir bakiyorsun ki sen masada aglayan kiz oluyorsun.. kendini tutamiyorsun ne kadar cok istesende.. dinlemiyor ki gozyasi.. nerden geliyor hic bilmiyorum.. nerden geliyor onca su.. bereketli oluyor bir kizin gozleri, onu biliyorum bir tek..

bir kiz ister ki akmasin gozyaslari, ne nedenle olursa olsun.. erkegin onunde akmasin bari.. hele birde biliyorsa ki onun her gozyasiyla cocugun da ici acir.. hic istemez ki o goz pinari calissin ve yanaklari islansin.. ama oluyor iste.. insan soz dinletemiyor ki gozlerine.. olmayinca olmuyormus.. her kiz ogrenmistir bunu, bende ogrendim..

cok mutluyum hemde cok.. ama iste icim de buruk.. yolcu etmek zor geliyor, onsuz gececek zamani dusunmek zorluyor bu gozleri.. istemez miyim bende yuzumde gulucuklerle ugurlamak, icini rahat ettirmek.. biliyorum ki onun da akli kaliyor bende ama dedigim gibi olmayinca da olmuyor..

neyse artik, alisir yanaklarim islakliga ama gorunmez kimseciklere belki.. gecer zaman ve bir sonra ki gozyaslari onu gordugumde akar belki de.. “zamanla gecer dedi, zamanla zamanla..”

iyi yolculuklar demekten baska hic birsey kalmiyor bana, kendine iyi bak, derslerine calis.. duzgun beslen demekten baska ne diyebilir ki insan.. bir de..

seni seviyorum.

August 28, 2011

I was trying to describe you to someone..

2193909590_2b2c1f151a_b

sent to me by my dear friend Ozu’m.. had to share it with you…

August 25, 2011

him

There are times when I think about him.. just about his laugh, about his lips.. about his eyes.. I just thing about the hair on his arms.. the details that make him.. the sound of his voice, how it changes when he is sad and when he is happy.. i like thinking about him.. it just puts a smile on my face.. lights my insides.. i feel happy and free.. I am deeply in love with the way he holds me, the way he touches me.. I am in love with the way he makes me feel, each time we talk,.. I am in love with the butterfliues I get when I am to see him.. I get butterflies after all this time.. he just makes me happy! I love putting my head on his shoulder and feeling safe; like no one in this world can touch us, nothing can brake us.. I am in love with his eyes, the way they look at me and see me.. who I am and what I want.. I love thinking about him day and night.

August 23, 2011

mini


gozlerinde neseyi de buldum huznu de.. seni buldum ben kendimde.. sende beni aradim bir sure.. bulamazsin dediler ama buldum.. ikimiz bir olduk.. bin olduk dunyaya karsi.. senleyken tektik bu dunyada.. kimse yok gibiydi etrafimizda.. gozlerinde kendimi buldum ben.. nasil hissettigimi yansittin hep, sende yasadin benimle ayni duygulari.. beraber yasadik icimizdekini, disimiza yansittik biz senle hep bizi..
bazen seni seviyorum dememe bile gerek kalmadi, cunku sen anlarsin hep bakisimdan icimden gecenleri.. sinirli oldugumu bilmezken kendim, sen soyleyince gelir aklima sinirim… yada yorgunlugumu anlarsin, sesimin kisilmasindan.. ben yorgun hissetmezken bile.. yada reddederken yorgunlugu kendimce..
iyi ki girdin hayatima.. en yakin arkadasim oldun bana.. elimden tuttun, hastayken yanimda oldun.. zorluklari atlattik, mutluluk yarattik her olayda, her saniye.. mutluluk bizim oldu..
biz bir olduk butun olduk mini.. seni cok seviyorum

August 4, 2011

dunya donuyor

gunler oyle yada boyle geciyor derken, farkettim ki gercekten de geciyor.. cumartesi gunu, su an yattigim bu bembeyaz yataga yatmadan once 10 gunun nasil gecicegini, hayatimin nasil bir donem noktasinda oldugumu, nelerin degisecegini dusunmekten baska birsey yapamiyordum.. ama sanirim bunlarin hepsi, o minnacik beynimde gerceklesiyordu.. cunku cevremde, yatistirmam gereken, mutlu etmem gereken 100lerce insan vardi, birde aralarinda en sevdiklerim, en onemli olanlari..


hani gunler akip gidiyor derler ya, iste gercekten de akip gidiyor.. tatilde miyim? hayir.. zevkli bir yerde miyim? hayir.. eee peki kardesim zamana ne oluyor? hani zaman zevk aldiginda, dolu oldugunda akip giderdi.. benim gunlerim sabah 6bucukta basliyor, buyrun iste bu saatte ayaktayim hala.. 3 saat icerisinde gene kontrol var, sonra 6 gibi kan alimi ve tekrar yeni bir gun.. ama bunlari boyle anlatiyorum diye onemli ve yogun ve sikici sanmayin gunlerimi.. 


su birkac gunde ogrendigim o kadar cok sey var ki insanlar hakkinda.. kendim hakkimda.. ailem, dostlarim,  cevremdekiler hakkinda.. hergunum, yanimdan ayrilmayan ailem, erkek arkadasim, ve beni hergun farkli vakitlerde suprizlerle neselendirip ziyaret eden dostlarimla geciyor. isin garip kismi da ne derseniz, benim her zaman tek dilegim vardir hayattan - tek bir tane - mutlu olmak - ben mutluydum bu hafta.. uzgun degildim, depresyonda degildim, stresli hic degildim.. durmadan guluyordu gozum.. agzim, disim, dudaklarim.. kahkahalarim duyuluyordu.. dilegim gercekti bu hafta iste - mutluydum. mutluyum.


ne diyordum  - cok sey ogrendim.. gercektende ogrendim.. ve bu hafta icerisinde ogrendiklerim hep benimle kalacaklar.. benim bu hafta ogrendiklerimi, umarim ki siz, benim ogrenmem gereken bu yoldan cok farkli: pamuk sekerler icerisinde, elma sekerleri ellerinizde, sevdiginiz yaninizda, muzik kulaklarinizda, size guzel bir ani olacak sekilde ogrenirsiniz.. 

August 2, 2011

words

all via pinterest











how does time pass in here?

no seriously.. life apparently starts early in a hospital.. you wake up around 6, 6:30. and your day begins. it does end early.. ends with the last visitor.. then the whole day comes upon you.. a feeling of tiredness, the weight of it all.. one thing that strikes me most is seeing how my mom changes.. my dad or "my baby" is the last one to leave usually.. and as soon as they are gone, I see her shoulders bend down, the weight of it all on her.. during the day, she stares at me.. never leaves my side.. looks right into my eyes, to see if I am feeling any pain, whether I am cheerful or tired, whether I am bored or just plain me.. 


days are going by.. one way or another.. but I have realized how wonderful my life is.. how grateful I shall be.. the friends I have in my life.. the friends my parents have.. seeing that I can rely on people to support me and my family when we need support, I think is one thing to be most thankful for. 


a day ends, as I said before, around the last rounds in the hospital, the last blood pressure, temperature check.. then it's time for mom and me to go to sleep.. like we are about to do in less than 20 mins.. 


good night and sleep tight.. and don't forget to be grateful to and for the ones you have beside you.. 

July 28, 2011

happy birthday!

It's been a year since I started this blog.. 1 year! I cannot believe how time passed so quickly! but that's that.. A year has passed.. so many changes have happened in my life.. I have evolved in so many ways since I started this blog, I have changed so much myself.


First of all, I have to thank each and everyone of you who read my blog and who comment, thank you so much! thank you so much for encouraging me to write more each day.
Thank you all for your support, your input..


When I look back, I realize how much I have evolved as a writer..
I was a shy girl, who tried to be sincere and to relate to her readers.. I am still shy. I still edit my thoughts when I type them - I try not to do it as much- but still, its innate in some way..

so a year, huh? wow! so many changes, so many thoughts, so many posts and comments.. (not so many followers) ! but believe me, I am glad to have all of my followers, and I appreciate each and everyone of you!!!!

thank you so much..
(why do I feel like I gave a thank you speech at the Oscars, and have taken all the time to give it - I hate those who do that)

ending it now.. kisses to each and everyone of you.. thank you!
blowing the candles now..

July 4, 2011

one love

 one love festival... 
2 days of music, beer and friends.. 



June 24, 2011

friend

By the time you make it to 1st grade, you learn how important friends are.. you learn that life is hard without friends.. first day of school you try to spot the person that you think you will be friends forever..
I'm sure many of you are like me.. I have friends I have known all my life.. I have lots contact with some.. time does that.. and then there are those who come into our lives when you are all grown up.. those who have lived and who have been hurt.. who can appreciate real friends and friendships.. so this post goes out to all of my friends.. who I have met, one time or another.. who are in my life now.. and those who are not - for what reason it may be.. I cherish your friendship and the memories you have given me, and those that we will form together.

Derin - specifically you.. this post goes out to you!
Thank you for being my friend, being my brother, being in my life.. and always and always listening to me.. no matter what.. and thank you for loving me the way you do.. :) I love you too...


P.S - "my baby" is coming home.. he will land in 2 hours, so you can guess my excitement..

June 20, 2011

4 more days

I am back to counting days.. we are at day 4.. 4 more days until “my baby” is back in Istanbul.. 4 more days until I can see him, touch him, feel him next to me.. 4 more days I have to keep it cool, act normal and live the life I am getting used to live.. but after the 4 days, I will wear my pretty dress and get ready to welcome “my baby”.
During our experience away from each other I realized the potential of bonding; long distance relationship has given us. First I was afraid, I was petrified.. I was really scared that we weren’t going to make it thru. However as time passed, things got easier, we both realized the love in between and mostly the trust we have for each other.. that made things easier. Yes, it is hard.. to be away from your loved one, from your best friend. But I believe this long distance thing has made us stronger.
If you are going into a long distance relationship there are points which you should be ready to accept.. like we did. The thing is we spent 24 hours together for the most of our relationship, from the start, until the day I had to move back to Turkey for work. Until then we had never thought about the future, of the consequences of our relationship. But once it was time for me to come to Turkey, the truth came out. You have to accept that nothing will be the same again. Not the converstations, not the interaction, the intimacy, the friendship or the relationship. It becomes another step in your life, it becomes something else. The first week away seems to be the toughest, but for me I think it was the easiest. Because before you leave eachothers side, you play in your mind the sadness you will feel once that you are away. And that actually makes it easier. But then comes the 2nd week away, and then things get tough. You are faced with the truth. If you can make it without any fights or disagreements then believe me a month away, or 6 months away passes quickly. Then comes the time for you to be together. Once you begin the countdown, the last week is the hardest. Because you know there are only a few days in between you and your "baby" to meet again, to be together, the same again. You wait, you wait. the day comes.. the day that you feel you will see fireworks, and magical dinner conversations.. that does not happen. Yes, you probably will have butterflies, and feel like the fireworks are popping inside of you, but believe me there are non when you go to see him. It just depends on you. I actually feel like I am in "love actually" the movie, the airport scene.. I love that scene.. I believe that each first time I see him, we are in that movie. I will be lying if I said it's not magical. Everything is magical when I am with him. the simplest conversation is magical, but I guess that's what love is.. all magic.
So, what ever I was saying, just bla bla.. the thing is "my baby" is coming home.. and I can not wait any longer to have him, here with me for 2 months.. I can't wait for him to be close to me.. I just can't wait... 4 more days..

June 10, 2011

wanna be friends?

Remember when you were a kid, you would make your own friendship bracelet? I do. I loved making them. But not for friends.. I made them for myself and for family members. I made a special one for my mom but she never ever wore it.. I think she might even have thrown it away..

I am inspired to make more now.. I should get into it!



May 28, 2011

she

you may not be her first, her last or her only. 
she loved before, she may love again.
but, if she loves you now - what else matters?
she's not perfect -you aren't either, and the
two of you may never be perfect together but
if she can make you laughs, cause you to think twice,
and admit to being human and making mistakes, 
hold on to her and give her the most you can. 
she may not be thinking about you every second of the day,
but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart.
so, don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't
expect more than she can give. 
smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, miss her when she's not there. 
                                 -bob marley

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